Teacher: OXFORD matlab kya hai?
Student: OX matlab bail, FORD matlab Gaadi. to OXFORD matlab bail gaadi
Teacher: raju, tum kis liye college aate ho?
Student: vidya ke khaatir
Teacher: toh ab so kyu rahe ho?
Student: aaj vidya nahi aayi hai sir
Pati: mere marne ke baad, kyaa tum doosri shaadi karogi?
Patni: nahi. main apni behan ki saath rahungi. aap?
Pati: main bhi tumhaare behan ke saath rahunga
1st wife: tumhaara sharaabi pati roz peekar ghar aata hai na. tum poochti kyu nahi ho.
2nd wife: main poochi thi. lekin unhone mujhe diyaa nahi.
Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na.
Patient: wahi mera sabse bada dar hai doctor.
Patient: Doctor, yeh mera pehla operation hai. thoda dhyaan se karna.
Doctor: dara mat. yeh mera bhi pehla operation hai
Doctor: is dawaa ko ek hafte main poora karo aur baad main aake milo.
Patient: teek hai doctor
(ek hafte ke baad)
Doctor: dawaa khatam huaa kya?
Patient: nahi doctor.
Doctor: kyu nahi?
Patient: usme likhaa thaa ke, bottle ko hamesha bandh rakhe
Funny Hindi Jokes
1st beggar: arey, tum kyu us cinema poster ko aise gur rahe ho?
2nd beggar: main hee is cinema ka producer hoo
Beggar: 10 rupaiya dedo saab. girlfriend ko phone karni hai.
Saab ka girlfriend: dekho, bhikaari bhi apni girlfriend ko kitna pyar karta hai.
Beggar: nahi memsaab, use pyar karne ke baad hee main bhikaari ban gayaa
Maalik: arey, tune 500 saal puraani ghadi thod dee hai.
naukar: bach gaya saab, main to samjha yeh nayaa hai
Ramu: Sir, mere ghar mein TV chodke baaki sabki chori hogayi hai?
Police: chor ne sirf TV kisliye chodaa hoga?
Ramu: mujhe kya pataa sir? main us samay TV mein serial dekh rahaa thaa
Jokes in Hindi
Autowaala: sorry sir, meter daalna bhool gaya.
santa: problem nahi hai. main bhi apna purse bhool aaya. chodo
Car chalaataa huaa Santa ko road mein "ACCIDENT ZONE" ka board dikhaa. isliye santa ne sochaa:
"Yeh log accident zone mein kyu road banaate hai?"
Ek kadvaa sach :-)
Behan ki friend behan ho sakti hai,
Bhai ka friend Bhai ho sakta hai,
lekin wife ka friend wife nahi ban sakti
suma: maa, raju ne mujhe kiss de diyaa
maa: haan kya? rukho main poochti hoo.
suma: nahi maa. tum poochoge to woh nahi degaa
Paagal 1: main Taj Mahal ko kareedh loonga
Paagal 2: main use abhi bhech nahi rahaa hoo
Customer: yeh kya offer hai? TV liya to 10 kerchief free!!!
Salesman: TV serials dekhne ke baad aapki aansoo ponchne ke liye
Boy: kal maine tumhaare ghar gaya tha. lagta hai hamaari shaadi nahi hogi.
girl: kyu? pappa se mile the kya?
Boy: nahi, tumhaare behan se milaa tha
Manager: hamaare bank mein hum aapko binaa interest ke loan denge.
customer: arey, jab dena hai to thoda haste haste dona. agar dene mein interest nahi hai, to mat do
Doctor Patient Hindi Jokes
Doctor: aapko isse pehle kabhi heart attack hua thaa kya?
Patient: haa doctor, bichle baar jab aap bill diye the
Nurse: udhaas kyu baite ho sir?
Doctor: dopahar jiska operation kiya tha, woh mar gaya.
Nurse: arey woh to post mortem tha.
Doctor: to main subah kiska post mortem kiyaa tha
Patient: Doctor, kya aapko yakeen hai ke mujhe cancer hai. kyunki ek baar kisi doctor ne
cancer ka ilaaj karte the aur patient TB se mar gaya.
Doctor: gabraao nahi... agar main ilaaj karungaa to tum sirf cancer se hi maroge.
Doctor: sharaab peena haanikaarak hai. is vichaar main mujhe aapse baath karni hai.
Patient: theek hai doctor. sham ko moonlight bar mein milenge.
Doctor: aapke pati ko zyaada rest ki zaroorat hai. yeh sleeping tablets leejiye.
Wife: unko yeh kab dena hai doctor?
Doctor: yeh unke liye nahi, aapke liye hai :-)
Doctor: dekhiye, yeh bimaari khaandaani hai. aapke daadaaji se shuru hui hai.
Patient: bach gaya!!! tab aap yeh operation mere daadaaji ko hee keejiye.
Patient: Doctor, meri beti ko aajkal kuch sunaayi nahi deti hai
Doctor: kya? tumhe 5 din se bukhaar hai aur tum abhi aa rahe ho!
Wife: doctor ji, mere pati neend mein baat karna shuru kardiye hai. kya karu?
Doctor: din mein unko baat karne kaa mouka deejiye.
Doctor: roz hotel mein khaane se hee aapko ulcer hui hai?
Patient: to aaj se mein ghar ko parcel leke jaaunga
Patient: doctor, mujhe 3 mahine se khaasi hai.
Doctor: itne din kyu chup the?
Patient: chup kaun tha doctor. main to khaas rahaa tha.
Doctor: operation ke baad ab sab teek hai. tum sab kuch sun sakte ho.
Patient: aapne kuch bola kya?
Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na.
Patient: aap rahenge. lekin main rahoonga kya?
Doctor: tum abhi 2 ganto main mar jaanewaale ho. kya tumhaara koi aakhri khwaaish hai?
Patient: Haanji, ek achche doctor ko consult karna hai
Hilarious Jokes in Hindi
Public to Santa: us rowdy ke vajah se hum pareshaan hai. use haamare area se bhagaane ka koi tareeka bataao?
Santa: aasaan hai, use election mein khadaa karke MLA banaa do. agle 5 saal tak woh tumhaare area ki taraf nahi aayega.
Ramu: tum kaunsi soap use karte ho?
Banta: Main Santa Soap, Santa Paste aur Santa Shampoo use karta hoo
Ramu: wo kya international brand hai kya?
Banta: nahi, santa mera room mate hai.
Santa: tumhaara beta bilkul tumhaara jaisa hi dikhtaa hai.
Banta: dheere se bol... woh padosi ka beta hai
Santa: agar electricity nahi hota to kya hota?
Banta: raat mein candle light mein TV dekhna padta tha
Driver: Poora petrol khatam ho gayi hai. ab aage nahi bad sakte.
Santa: teek hai, gaadi reverse lo aur ghar vaapas chalo
Santa: Tumhe kyu arrest kiya gayaa hai?
banta: maine 50 rupaye ka chillar diya. isliye.
santa: usme kya galti hai?
banta: maine chillar mein do 25 rupaye ka note diyaa tha :-)
Santa: "impossible" shabd mere dictionary mein nahi hai
Banta: arey yaar, ab bataake kyaa faayda. dictionary lete samay check karlenaa thaa na
Examiner santa se: yeh kya hai? tumne khaali paper kyu diye ho?
Santa: kyunki neatness ke liye 5 marks hai, isliye
Santa: maine apni shaadi kaa aamantran patra bejaa thaa na? kyu nahi aaya?
Banta: lekin mujhe koi patra nahi milaa
Santa: arey yaar, maine usme likha thaa na. patra nahi milaa to bhi, zaroor aane ke liye!!!
Santa: bhaisaab, yahaa se mumbai kitna door hai?
Vyakti: 400 km.
Santa: baap re, mujhe aaj hi vaapas lautnaa hai. mumbai se yahaa tak kitnaa door hai?
Pati Patni Hindi Jokes
Patni: swamiji ne kahaa ke swarg mein pati patni ko saath rehne nahi dete hai
Pati: isiliye usae swarg kehete hai :-)
1st Man: shaadi ke baad main lakhpati ban gaya.
2nd Man: use kyu itnaa udhaas bol rahe ho?
1st Man: usse pehle mein crorepati tha
Pati: aaj sunday hai aur aish karna. movie ke liye 3 ticket laayaa hoon.
Patni: teen kyu?
Pati: tumhe aur tumhaare maata pitaa ke liye.
Patni: agar main mar jaaungi, to aap royenge kya?
Pati: ab kya has rahaa hoo kya?
Patni: dekhoji, hamaare shantabai ki pati, usko khush rakhne ke liye, har hafte movie pe le jaate hai. aap kyu nahi karte ho aise?
Pati: arey, maine bhi shantabai ko movie ke liye bulaaya. lekin usne manaa kardi. isme meri kya galti hai?
Husband and Wife Hindi Jokes
Wife: jab aap chashma utaarte ho, bahut handsome dikte ho.
Husband: haa dear, jab main chashma utaarta hoo, tum bhi bahut khoobsoorat dikti ho
Wife: suniye, hum is hafte poora cinema dekhenge, agle hafte poora shopping karenge.
Husband: uske baad ke hafte poora mandir jaayenge
Wife: kyu?
Husband: bheek maangne ke liye
Husband: agar operation mein mujhe kuch hua to tum us doctor se hi shaadi kar lena.
Wife: aise kyu bol rahe ho?
Husband: usse badla lene ka doosra tareeka nahi hai.
Wife: aji, koi peeche mere pair choo rahaa hai.
Husband: peeche mud ke apna chehra dikha, woh choonaa bandh kar dega
Wife: aapse milne doctorji aaye hai
Husband: mujhe bukhaar hai. unhe kal aane ke liye bolo
Husband: tum khaana bahut achchi banaati ho
Wife: tum jitna bhi maska lagaao, khaana tumhe hee banaanaa padega
School Jokes in Hindi
Teacher: agar shabd pradooshan kam karna hai to kya karna hai?
Student: hamaare kaan bandh kar leni hai.
Teacher: varthamaan, bhoot aur bhavishyat kaal ke udhaaharan do
Student: Madam, kal maine aapki beti ko dekha, aaj main usse pyar kar rahaa hoo aur kal usse shaadi karungaa.
Teacher Student School Hindi Jokes
Principal: class ko der kyu pahunche?
Student: sir, gaadi puncture ho gaya tha
Principal: to tumhe bus mein aana tha
Student: socha tha sir, lekin aapki beti sunti hi nahi ha
Anpad baap: jaise bhi ho, 4 saal ka apna padaai pooraa kardiye. aage kya karoge?
Beta: ji, arrears naam ka ek course hai, use pooraa karna hai.
Teacher: tumhaare aur harish ka answers ek jaise hai. woh kaise?
Student: kyunki question ek hi tha na masterji, isliye :-)
Teacher: Tumhaara Maa kaa naam kya hai?
LKG student: Mummy
Teacher: 5 mark lekar bhi tum has kyu rahe ho?
Student: main yeh soch raha hoo ke woh 5 marks kaise mila :-)
Teacher: agar aise hee padte rahoge, zindagi mein kuch nahi banoge.
Student: jab zindagi mein kuch nahi banunga, tab main bhi ek teacher ban jaaunga sir.
Teacher: jisko kaan sunaayi nahi deta hai, aap use kya bulaate hai?
Santa: kuch bhi bulaa sakte hai. kyunki use sunaayi nahi detaa hai na.
Teacher: duniya ke sabse puraana praani kaunsi hai?
Student: zebra hai sir
Teacher: kaise:
Student: kyunki, woh black and white hai na
Teacher: tumhaara homework kyu tumhaare pitaa ke handwriting main hai?
Student: maine unka pen use kiyaa thaa sir
Teacher: bachcho, agar man se praarthanaa kare to bhagwan aapki kwaaish poora karenge.
Student: woh sab jhoot hai sir.
Teacher: kyu?
Student: agar woh sach hota to, ab tak aap doosre school chale jaate
Teacher: jeene ke liye Oxygen zaroori hai. ise 1773 mein aavishkaar kiye.
Pappu: baap re bach gaya!! agar usse pehle paida hota to main mar jaata
Teacher: Akbar kaun tha?
Student: pata nahi sir.
Teacher: padaai ke taraf dyaan do, pataa chalegaa
Student: Aap battayiye. Suresh kaun hai?
Teacher: pata nahi.
Student: apni beti ki taraf dyaan dijiye, pata chalega.
Teacher: 4+3=7 aur 5+4=9, ab tum bataao 45+5 kitna hua?
Student: Kya sir? aasaan sawaalo ka jaavaab aap de diye aur mushkil savaal mujhse kar rahe ho
Jokes in Hindi
Santa: main shaadi karke khush rahna chaahtaa hoo.
Banta: arey yaar, mazaak mat karo. hasne ki mood nahi hai.
Santa apne bete ko: is baar agar exam mein fail huaa, to mujhe pitaji mat bulaana.
kuch din ke baad,
Santa: result ka kya hua?
Santa ka beta: sorry santa
Santa: main england jaane ke baare mein soch rahaa hoon.
Banta: bahut paise kharch hoga na.
Santa: nahi banta, sochne ke liye paise kyu?
Santa aur banta ko 500 ka ek note milaa.
Santa: hum ise 50-50 karlenge
Banta: baaki 400 kaa kya karoge?
Santa: kahaa gayaa thaa yaar?
Banta: girlfriend ke saath movie dekhne
Santa: kitna kharchaa huaa?
Banta: 500 Rs
Santa: itnaa huaa kya?
Banta: kya karu? uske paas itnaa hee thaa yaar
Santa: kelaa kitna hai?
Dukaanwala: 1 Rupay
Santa: 60 paise mein doge kya?
Dukaanwala: itne me to sirf kele kaa chilkaa hi milegaa
Santa: to 40 paise leke sirf kelaa dedo
Santa: padosi se hatouda maang leke aanaa zara
Banta: maangaa thaa, lekin nahi diye
Santa: log bahut laalchi bangaye hai. chalo, hamaara hatouda leke aao jaldi
Santa: police ne tumhe kyu arrest kiya?
Banta: maine purse se paise nikhaal ke kharchaa kar diyaa thaa
Santa: baap re!! is liye bhi arrest karte hai kya?
Banta: purse kisi aur kaa thaa yaar
Funniest Hindi Jokes
Santa: mera beta meri baat sunta hi nahi hai
Banta: kyu? itna gamandi hai kya?
Santa: nahi. woh behara hai
Santa: tumne us aadmi ko aisa kyu maara?
Banta: usne mujhe poocha ke "Khaana khaaye kya"?
Santa: arey, bhala hi poocha hai na. phir kyu maara?
Banta: main toilet mein baita tha
Santa: mera beta raat bhar book ke saamne hee baita rahta hai.
Banta: lekin phir bhi woh fail kyu huaa?
Santa: wah book 'facebook' tha, isliye
Santa: main apni wife ko bahut pyar karta hoo. tum?
Banta: woh to tumhaari wife hai. main kaise pyar kar sakta hoo?
santa ka beta: Sirji, jab aap paath padaate ho, to mujhe mere pitaa ki yaad aati hai.
Sirji: achchi baath hai. kisliye unki yaad aati hai?
santa ka beta: unko bhi aap hi ke jaise padaana nahi aata hai.
Santa nurse se bola: aapne mera dil churaa liyaa hai.
Nurse: hmmm... maine dil churaane se pehle doctor ne aapka kidney churaa liyaa hai
Santa: shaadi ke baad tumhaari jimmedaari badgayee hai kya?
Banta: haan yaar. pehle sirf mere liye khaana pakaana tha. ab mere biwi ke liye bhi pakaanaa pad rahaa hai.








